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short update
my kopf is smoking.

...

thats worth a picture (taking this sentence VERY literally...)

...

Well, right now, I am sitting at mandarin-medien.de and working on ... somewhat understanding PHP. Mort and Kuno are helping me and finally, I just have to press an \'upload\'.button, enter some news and everything is uploaded easily... thats nice.

but...

at home, there waits a big project... I have an idea for a series of pictures, but they\'ll take a hell of a time. something about... panic.

well, we\'ll see.
3.8.04 13:51


damn... i nearly FORGOT about this: Losers United

I am working on \'repairing\' the invisible parts of the pages, like inserting a guestbook and... trying to find out, where the freak the antr?ge go, because no single loser-antrag arrived at our postfach and we finally noticed, because somebody complained...

just one more day and everything will work... i hope
4.8.04 15:44


oh, ironie... ... if you where a person, I probably just would smile at you... in... somewhat a \'knowing\' way, just a smile, nodding, since we\'ve known each other for years, without ever having really talked with each other...

I planned to be in bed at 12pm... to be fit in the morning. I was busy drawing and finished the first and second layer of this exhausting aquarell/inking work, while listening to \'the Dante Club\', fully enjoying those kinky professors and being fascinated by the gruesome murders and pondering about historical documents or happening, books that we hold between our hands and tell stories of thousands of years.
I had a screensaver running - displaying random pictures from my harddrive... it prefered showing the \'dor?\'-section and especially the Devina Comedia. I thought: "Well, that\'s a coinsidence" though I didn\'t feel well drawing in front of good old dor?...

As it came, i was lost in the work and finally (1:30) packed my stuff and went out of the working room. - stop.
I mentioned my \'slight\' fear of spiders before, but... it has worsened again. I nearly fainted, when a fat black (?) spider hectically crawled away from the door, right in front of my door. The picture I was working on is named \'paniksturz\' and that was exactly what was happening. Suddenly, everywhere were spiders and bugs and maggots. I had dante in my ear and a mixture of this paniksturz-picture an dor? in my mind... I tried, what I usually try. Keep calm and get to my destination, slamming the door behind me, stuffing clothing etc everywhere the spider might get through to my room.
Then I noticed, that I was franctiacally reciting the raven... \'be my heart be still a moment and the mystery explore, t\'is some visitor...\' Dear sister Irony... and why, in the end, did you let this freakin spider panically crawl to my destination? My sleeping room? Where it vanished someplace at the door, where I couldnt see it?

Now, I am sitting in the working room... waiting for someone to get up (first chance: 4:30, dad). Its a stupid fear, whithout any reason. Today, in the media office, q-no joked around about a spider living there... and as usual, he wondered about me \'drawing such stuff and being afraid like that\'...

Even if I escape this room, the spider is somewhere the only two places, I could rest tonight...

I once made a deal with them: "Hey, come in, freakin spiders, take hold of this whole house, but never... *hear noises.... hear typcial spider-crawling-artificial-wood-floor-noises* ... never come to my eyes or ears. Just... dont come near me.*

I even wore my 2nd heaviest boots... and still... i just couldnt kill it. being frozen to the place and still rising heat from inside...

its like an upward fall.

i ... really... do have a problem with them.


therapie: My parents left one big Hausspinne at a place far away from my room, the place, where we have our freezer and washing mashine etc. It sat there in a dark corner and never really moved... I slowly got used to this spider... but... NOT A ONE THAT IS AS FEARFUL and HECTIC as me...
5.8.04 01:50





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