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slow motion

There are these moments, when everything slows down and there is one detail, that catches your eye.

There are three people in my life, that keep stopping me, when i'm trying to set of for a new world. A new world, which will destroy my old one. These kinds of worlds: producing images for attention, losing myself in some kind of general wave.

Today, i got a remindermail again.
M. Z. just sent me this picture and asked me:



"What do you life for".
This is a simple question and it's often asked.
I like it, that the person, who sprayed this, probably wasnt very into spraying, but (as it seems to me), really needed to say something.

Thanks for the slow-motion moment.
24.10.05 23:17


noise attack

when everybody looks out for a red flag, they will miss the 100 blue ones.
thats why, i never find the red flags. and thats why, it becomes harder and harder for me to communicate about 100 blue ones. Everybody lives in his/her own universe and i can feel, how mine closes itsself tighter and tighter. Its language is cryptical and i have strange feelings, for which i cannot find any words. For instance: There is this rich feeling of a very deep sadness, which makes me very happy and shows me, how beautiful the world is. Or the falling feeling - there is no jerking, no pulling, its a feeling like weighing nothing and being combed softly under the skin of my belly... or the feeling of a very fast, rash fear, that hits me suddenly from behind and vanishes without any warning. But its not a fear, its living the Term "Watch out" without being paranoid, because i KNOW that there is nothinng and i dont feel being followed around, its just - this feeling like the fear of losing all colors. There is this senstion of the floor drifting away, but i cannot see that. its just a feeling, my body has.
I could write a dictionary about these strange emotions and perceptions, but im very bad at defining.
I am aware, though that there hardly ever is a reason for the weird feelings. Its like i feel, what another person should and can't.


oh hell, i cant apologize.
28.10.05 02:32





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