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dancing on the volcano

Never. Absolutely never sell your soul.

It is easier every day to loose it and and once lost, the surface will become solid ice - with you right in the middle of it and never being able to reach below it. There is a difference between compromises and giving up yourself. burn your feet or drown or be torn apart, but never give up, what makes you the person set in this world. there is not necessairy a purpose to all, but don't do that one big mistake.

I'd rather drown than ever just concider this kind of death again.
7.9.05 13:08

being kicked off the Fight Club

oh hell, where to start...

I start to believe in a certain kind of poetic justice, I guess...

This was a really bad day. it started by bad news and except for the weather, many small things just failed. Since i had to redraw a completed page of TWISteD AGAIN, I switched on a audiobook wich i hoped to be inspiring. I wanted a strong, real image of this world for going on drawing.
And so it was - deep and saddening - Chuck Palahnuiks Haunted.

One time I had the great luck of sitting BY CHANCE in a restaurant, where Mr. Palahnuik just read from this novel and I was enchanted and disgusted and very, very happy. Of course, I wanted an autogramm and a picture and a handshake, whatdoiknow. I didn't ask for it though, because I thought, everybody to do that must be helleshly stupid. In Palahnuik's Books (Fight Club is the most famous, I guess), there is a profound irony to all famous characters and audience manipulators... I thought of myself having missunderstood his works, if i went up and got an autogramm, so i stayed silent and very happy.

Listening to Hauted and drawing the last weekly quote on from the marvellous and depressing book, I sized the occasion to look on chucks personal homepage. its fairly small, but for a good book recommendation list . Everything else is amazon links (also the titles on the booklist ; ) )

But then, I stumbled across and... wow! a HUGE community calling itsself a CULT and right they are. I knew, palahnuiks work connected in a weird and very strong way, but what made me suspicious, is that i can enjoy everything from that page by paying a monthly fee. sure, a page like that isnt run for free and you get great things for the money, but... what is about all that idealizm i believe to read through the lines and see in those prophetic books.
It was like that moment, when i found tim burtons personal webpage positioning some handdrawn images or signed prints at some online store.
YES! A REAL FAN would die for these images, but he or she would stumble across them, if they look very hard for them. Oh! What precious hidden treasure! But imagine, what kind of people would buy this stuff, if you just pop it into their faces on the first google link... Probably the people that could afford more than the average teenage fan.

Surely, an author and an artist have to earn money and make their world more popular, but WHY DO THEY SELL THEIR SOULS?

The moment, when I realized, that i starting to enjoy devil's contracts and wanting to get out of that agin, the bad luck came. Right now, everything swirls in front of my eyes and a shiny and straight path that was clear for me the past weeks vanished. I guess, that's a fair price (HAR! at first i wrote "prize"...)

thats not even sadness in my stomach, it's just a big, tight knot.
there are tons of things I want to complain about right now and show, what I have done wrong... to sum it up, I am not as nice a person as I hoped to be and I am too much of a coward to look straight at them and apologize in a suitable way (which is not just saying "sorry")

If I learn that lesson, I wonder, will it make me a better human being or just thicken my skin...
28.9.05 23:15


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