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the tempest

I dont know a lot about this Sonata by Ludwig van, but I remembered, that I cried when I heard it for the first time. It was not crying because its not a happy little tune, the tears came, because it was so grand, it went beyond the room and just swept over my heart, drowning my brain completely. Listening to Beethoven's Music gives me the certainty, that there is more to everything than numbers...

I first heard The Tempest played by a girl that lived next door to me. To hear it live, to see this sonata performed made my skin too small for me. She played it beautifully and later passed the entry tests for studying piano.

Yesterday I got to know, that this girl died three weeks ago due to a long and painfull illness. I knew about the illness and that she had an electrical piano in her hospital room to practice whenever she could (using headphones) and she got well. But the sickness wasnt gone and finally caught her.

I meet a lot of people, who have completely different goals in their life and who dont aim for anything- just go along. There is no right or wrong about this, because nobody knows, what all this is truly good for. Just yesterday I said again, that i couldnt believe, how people can live without a craving or without striving for something. I thought, that life was wasted this way.
I cant find any words to describe how sorry I feel for this young woman, who had to deal at a very young age with a sickness of that sort and couldn't go further and fullfill her dreams. I uttered the very evil thought, that those kind of things should happen to people, who waste their live anyway. But what kind of judge am I? There is no need for judgement or explaination. If I would seek for a reason here, I would go mad.

Even though Beethoven died deaf he didnt go silently as she did.

I seldomly feel that small. I am glad, that there is no fear right now, because even the fear is so small. The tempest left a lot of room.
29.5.06 01:55


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