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I would not have thought ever to post in a happy mood again. Not, because I am so deeply depressive and awesomelly melancolic all the time, but because I do not have the urge to write about myself, if I am happy.

I disabled the comments, because some spampage fills everything with losy comments about how to increase my WOW-levels. Weird. Btw. I never played WoW but ironically sometimes work for WoW.

Right now, I feel the mania in my fingertipps and nearly everything I see inspires me. It makes me dizzy with joy. Oh, during the past 2, 3 Weeks its just been miraculous. I think, I am back in my world, which I thought to have lost forever. Its very different but not less magic. There is nothing as sharing this world and seeing, that it really IS alive.

And there is this great freedom of finally realizing, that many people accept my drawings for just what they are. Just very few people are able to undestand them the way I really meant it, but otherwise that would have been more of a danger. I don't always want people to be able to unlock me, but I am also not a very good secret keeper. Especially for myself. At least, I am too blind to understand most of my own dark, mysterious secrets ; )
I am nothing if I depend on others to judge my creations. But seeing others deal with them gives me pleasure nearly as great as the process of creation, especially if they enjoy it themselves.

If I stop and think, i start to feel uncomfortable, because its such a paradox, how men are able to create next to those giant, empty spaces around us. We will never be able to fill them up and its ironic that i feel alive, drowning in myself. Right now, the feeling is everything, that matters.

I always thought that the universe ends in white clouds and after that, there is just the most giant crayon scribble beyond any imagination.

thank you.
30.10.07 15:09

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